I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
