The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
