the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
We smell like vodka and hangover
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