you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Where did you get a picture of my penis
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
