I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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