I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
