Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
