i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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