Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
