I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
