Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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