I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
