I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
