There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
