She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
