I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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