like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
