I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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