I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
