she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
