and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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