Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
