Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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