remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
