Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
