who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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