You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
