i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
as a side note pls kill me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
