he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
