I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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