i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
