dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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