My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
