Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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