Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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