Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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