I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
