Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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