Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
