she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
