I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nicole vs. Life
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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