dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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