My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
