I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
