She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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