Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
