You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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