This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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