I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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