You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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