Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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