Me too!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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