i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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