remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
