I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ladies don't puke and tell
COCAINE IS GR8
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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