There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
