Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
