I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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