im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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