Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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