I hate all girls vehemently.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dignity is for republicans.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
