There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
