Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
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