I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
