What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
