apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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