omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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