I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
