dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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