from now on my penis is your penis
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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