Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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