I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
