I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
