peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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