I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
