I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
