I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
