you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
