Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
