So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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